Leadership through body language

by Michael Smith
NBS Information Specialist

We are constantly sending messages about our true thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not. Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the messages we convey; the remaining 93% is non-verbal. 55% of this is based on what people see and the other 38% is transmitted through tone of voice. This article looks at some recognised dos and don’ts of body language.

Posture

Confident people seem to naturally stand tall; even when they are not the tallest in the room. Keeping your shoulders pushed back will lend you an air of confidence:

• Spread your weight evenly on both feet. You don’t need to stand to attention, just keep your feet apart so you balance well
• Take your hands out of your pockets, and hold them loosely by your side
• Standing with your arms crossed behind your back will automatically pull your shoulders back
• Don’t stand with your hands on hips; it makes you look confrontational
• Don’t shuffle; walk like you know where you’re going
• Don’t fidget with your feet. Drawing patterns with your foot on the floor shows lack of interest
• Don’t lean against walls or tables. You’ll look tired and lazy
• Don’t turn away from the person you’re talking to in the middle of the conversation; again it will show lack of interest.

Arms

How receptive you are is suggested by where you place your arms. Arms crossed or folded over your chest say that you have shut other people out and have no interest in them or what they are saying. How you use your arms can help or hurt your image as well. Waving them about may show enthusiasm to some, but others see this gesture as one of uncertainty and immaturity. The best place for your arms is by your side. You will look confident and relaxed. If this is hard for you, practice. After a while, it will feel natural. The angle of your body gives an indication to others about what's going through your head. Leaning in says, ‘Tell me more.’ Leaning away signals you've heard enough.

Sitting

Sitting posture is just as important as standing. Your level of interest in a conversation can be easily read by the position you sit in. Position yourself in a way that shows you’re actively engaged in what others have to say:

• Sit straight so that your shoulders touch the back of your chair. Slouching looks lazy
• Rest your hands on the arms of your chair, place them on your knees, or fold them on your lap so that they are not a distraction
• Make sure your chair is positioned so you’re facing the person you’re talking to
• Lean slightly forward to appear interested in a conversation and stress what you’re saying
• Don’t cross your ankles. Some people think it’s a sign that you’ve got something to hide
• Don’t tilt your chair back so that it’s standing on two legs. This shows a very casual, laid back attitude and will not earn respect
• Never put your feet up on the desk; you will come across as condescending.

Eye contact

Eye contact is the most obvious method of communication. Looking at the other person shows interest; failing to make eye contact gives the impression that the other person is of no importance:

• Look directly at the person you are talking to in order to exude confidence
• Don’t shift your attention to other people or things in the room. It shows deceit (people tend to look up and to the right, when lying)
• Don’t glare at the person talking to you
• Don’t blink excessively. People will be distracted and wonder if there’s something wrong
• Don’t look at your watch; you will appear as if you’re in a rush
• Don’t watch the door; it will show that you’re ready to leave the room.

Face

Facial expression is another form of non-verbal communication. A smile sends a positive message and is appropriate in all but a life and death situation. Smiling adds warmth and an aura of confidence.

Your mouth gives clues too, and not just when you are speaking. Mouth movements, such as pursing your lips or twisting them to one side, can indicate that you are thinking about what you are hearing or that you are holding something back.

Head

The position of your head speaks to people. Keeping your head straight will make you appear self-assured and authoritative. Tilt your head to one side if you want to come across as friendly and open.

How you position your head, the frequency of your breaths and even yawning are indicators of your level of interest in a conversation:

• Tilting your head to one side during a conversation shows you’re interested and thinking about what’s being said
• Take regular, even breaths. Heavy breaths are a sure sign that you’re nervous
• Nod your head so the person you’re speaking with knows you’re listening and interested
• Don’t swallow too often; it gives away the fact that you’re not comfortable
• Don’t yawn; it’s an involuntary sign from your body that your brain’s bored. While you may not have much control over it, yawning in the middle of a conversation says you’d rather be somewhere else
• Don’t look blank; a blank face conveys either lack of interest or understanding.

Hands

Control your hands by paying attention to where they are. In the business world, particularly in other cultures, your hands need to be seen. Hand gestures are great for getting attention or making a point, but be sure that you’re not creating a distraction:

• Open, face up palms signal honesty and straightforwardness
• Gesturing with your arms can help make a point, but too much is distracting
• Making a steeple out of your hands makes a good impression; it demonstrates confidence
• Shake hands firmly, not too tight or too limp
• Rolling up your sleeves signals a casual, ‘get down to work’ attitude
• Don’t clench your fists, it looks aggressive and don’t wring your hands; it signals despair
• Don’t touch your nose, play with your hair, or rub your eyes when you’re being asked for an honest answer. They’re all signs that say you’re lying.

Finally, try to keep your hands dry; sweaty palms indicate nervousness and are a turn off for most people.

Standing and walking

The distance you keep from others is crucial if you want to establish good rapport. Standing too close will mark you as pushy. Positioning yourself too far away will make you seem standoffish.

Carrying yourself in a confident manner is a key to commanding respect. Give the impression that you’re walking with a purpose:

• Walk, don’t run, and take even strides
• Look ahead or in front of you, when you walk, not at the floor
• Don’t swagger; it indicates cockiness and attitude
• Don’t shove people aside as you move across a crowded place.

Manners

Practicing common courtesy is a basis for earning respect from others. To ensure you are putting your best foot forward, be polite:

• Open doors and allow others to walk before you
• When you need to offer comfort, a one armed squeeze, gentle hug, or a pat on the shoulder helps, depending on how close you are to the other person
• Don’t shout when you’re on the phone. Talk in a calm, volume controlled voice
• Don’t mock others mannerisms when you think they’re not looking
• Avoid taking a phone call when you’re in the middle of a discussion
• Don’t lick your lips too often, it indicates nervousness, or worse, sexual aggression
• Don’t make faces or stick your tongue out behind someone’s back. It’s childish and rude.

Examine yourself

Carefully examining the way you present yourself can illustrate areas in which you may need improvement. Carefully groom your mannerisms and appearance to give your best impression:

• Practice your mannerisms in front of a mirror so that you can discover your weak areas
• Look at others who command respect and imitate their actions
• Look good. You don’t have to be handsome or beautiful; it’s enough to be correctly dressed for the occasion
• Smell good. Use deodorant or perfume, but go easy. Overpowering a room with your scent can be off putting
• Keep your fingernails clean. Close cropped nails show a neat and orderly manner
• Avoid especially revealing, dirty or wrinkled clothing.

Last, but not least, always smile. When you smile, others can’t help but smile back and feel positively towards you.

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